The Mamas
What I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race from Moms Not Like Me
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4.8 • 4 Ratings
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- $8.99
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- $8.99
Publisher Description
Can white moms and Black moms ever truly be friends? Not just mom friends, but like really real friends? And does it matter?
“Utterly addictive . . . Through her sharp wit and dynamic anecdotal storytelling, Helena Andrews-Dyer shines a light on the cultural differences that separate Black and white mothers.”—Tia Williams, New York Times bestselling author of Seven Days in June
Helena Andrews-Dyer lives in a “hot” Washington, D.C., neighborhood, which means picturesque row houses and plenty of gentrification. After having her first child, she joined the local mom group—“the Mamas”—and quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. The racial, cultural, and socioeconomic differences were made clear almost immediately. But spending time in what she calls “the Polly Pocket world of postracial parenting” was a welcome reprieve. Then George Floyd happened. A man was murdered, a man who called out for his mama. And suddenly, the Mamas hit different. Though they were alike in some ways—they want their kids to be safe; they think their husbands are lazy; they work too much and feel guilty about it—Andrews-Dyer realized she had an entirely different set of problems that her neighborhood mom friends could never truly understand.
In The Mamas, Andrews-Dyer chronicles the particular challenges she faces in a group where systemic racism can be solved with an Excel spreadsheet and where she, a Black, professional, Ivy League–educated mom, is overcompensating with every move. Andrews-Dyer grapples with her own inner tensions, like “Why do I never leave the house with the baby and without my wedding ring?” and “Why did every name we considered for our kids have to pass the résumé test?” Throw in a global pandemic and a nationwide movement for social justice, and Andrews-Dyer ultimately tries to find out if moms from different backgrounds can truly understand one another.
With sharp wit and refreshing honesty, The Mamas explores the contradictions and community of motherhood—white and Black and everything—against the backdrop of the rapidly changing world.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Washington Post reporter Andrews-Dyer (Bitch Is the New Black) shares what she picked up in mommy groups in this candid take on race, class, and motherhood. Upon becoming a mother, Andrews-Dyer felt ambivalent about joining her neighborhood's predominantly white support group, the Mamas. But feeling she needed a sense of community, she signed on, and soon she was confronted by tone-deaf comments ("you can't compare them," one white mom quipped to Andrews-Dyer about their children). An offshoot group called "The Super Cool Moms" was born, in which Andrews-Dyer was still the only Black woman, and out of that came an "all-Black pod" with some friends. Her experiences in the three groups led Andrews-Dyer to reevaluate the idea of belonging ("being Black and a mother didn't necessarily mean we wanted the same exact things for our kids") and to come to some striking conclusions, as when she writes "what I really wanted, deep down in the sunken place, was to parent like . All the love but minus the crippling legacy of institutionalized socioeconomic oppression and the baked-in fear that your child might get murdered." She also mixes in some sharp reporting on topics including the importance of talking to kids about race. This frank portrait of motherhood hits all the marks.
