Platonic
How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends
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4.6 • 27 Ratings
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- $16.99
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- $16.99
Publisher Description
Instant New York Times bestseller
Is understanding the science of attachment the key to building lasting friendships and finding “your people” in an ever-more-fragmented world?
How do we make and keep friends in an era of distraction, burnout, and chaos, especially in a society that often prizes romantic love at the expense of other relationships? In Platonic, Dr. Marisa G. Franco unpacks the latest, often counterintuitive findings about the bonds between us—for example, why your friends aren’t texting you back (it’s not because they hate you!), and the myth of “friendships happening organically” (making friends, like cultivating any relationship, requires effort!). As Dr. Franco explains, to make and keep friends you must understand your attachment style—secure, anxious, or avoidant: it is the key to unlocking what’s working (and what’s failing) in your friendships.
Making new friends, and deepening longstanding relationships, is possible at any age—in fact, it’s essential. The good news: there are specific, research-based ways to improve the number and quality of your connections using the insights of attachment theory and the latest scientific research on friendship. Platonic provides a clear and actionable blueprint for forging strong, lasting connections with others—and for becoming our happiest, most fulfilled selves in the process.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
With loneliness on the rise, psychologist Marisa G. Franco offers steps to make new connections. After a group of friends pulled her up from the abyss of a bad breakup, the University of Maryland professor became intrigued about society’s undervaluation of non-romantic friendship. Pointing out that loneliness has the same toxic physical effect as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (and yes, she has the receipts for that), Dr. Franco systematically tears down each excuse people make for staying in their bubbles, especially fear of rejection. She cites studies that show that strangers’ impressions of us are far more positive than we think—meaning it’s safe to assume that people will like us (so go ahead and say hello). She coaches readers through a variety of scenarios, including strategies for meeting new people, but the bottom line is that we get what we give. Being open and vulnerable, returning kindness, and being attentive ourselves keep our friendships from withering. With Platonic, Franco is a great wingperson in the fight against loneliness.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Franco, a psychology professor at the University of Maryland, debuts with a smart and savvy guide on forging friendships. "Friendship's impact is as profound as it is underestimated," she contends, exploring how one's past affects one's platonic relationships and imparting strategies for making friends. The author explains the psychology of attachment theory, which suggests that how loved ones have treated someone affects how that person relates to others ("We feel lovable because someone loved us well"). She illustrates the three attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant) with anecdotes "based on true stories" (their provenance remains unclear), such as when she explains anxious attachment style by telling of a woman who so feared being alone, she clung to her vituperative dance instructor. Scientific studies undergird Franco's thoughtful advice on building better friendships, as when she encourages readers to "assume people like you" because research has found that people who expect others to like them will act kindly, causing others to actually like them. The guidance is thorough, and a chapter on how people from disadvantaged groups can approach friendships with privileged people—or when it might be best to dump them—sensitively addresses the impact of socioeconomic factors on friendships. This has wisdom to spare.
Customer Reviews
Will read again!
Very insightful book that at times felt just shy of a therapy session. Provided a lot of material for one to contemplate and examine oneself. Good information, but well written, not to feel lectured to, but comfortably and casually explained.