First Love
Essays on Friendship
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- $12.99
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- $12.99
Publisher Description
A bold, poignant essay collection that treats women’s friendships as the love stories they truly are, from the critically acclaimed author of Negative Space
“Fiercely felt and finely etched.”—Leslie Jamison, New York Times bestselling author of The Empathy Exams
Lilly Dancyger always thought of her closest friendships as great loves, complex and profound as any romance. When her beloved cousin was murdered just as both girls were entering adulthood, Dancyger’s devotion to the women in her life took on a new urgency—a desire to hold her friends close while she still could. In First Love, this urgency runs through a striking exploration of the bonds between women, from the intensity of adolescent best friendship and fluid sexuality to mothering and chosen family.
Each essay in this incisive collection is grounded in a close female friendship in Dancyger’s life, reaching outward to dissect cultural assumptions about identity and desire, and the many ways women create space for each other in a world that wants us small. Seamlessly weaving personal experience with literature and pop culture—ranging from fairy tales to true crime, from Anaïs Nin and Sylvia Plath to Heavenly Creatures and the “sad girls” of Tumblr—Dancyger’s essays form a kaleidoscopic story of a life told through friendships, and an expansive interrogation of what it means to love each other.
Though friendship will never be enough to keep us safe from the dangers of the world, Dancyger reminds us that love is always worth the risk, and that when tragedy strikes, it’s our friends who will help us survive. In First Love, these essential bonds get their due.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
In these bruising essays, memoirist Dancyger (Negative Space) contemplates female friendships "predicated on deep love and knowing," yet frequently marked by tragedy. Probing grief and self-discovery, she writes of a "first love" with her cousin Sabina that began at age six and ended with Sabina's murder at age 20, a formative tragedy that "rippled out... like a web" to future friendships. In high school, she formed an obsessive, cocaine-fueled bond with fellow rebel Haley that unraveled after the two stopped using the drug, ending a friendship whose intensity seemed to predict its demise. Elsewhere, Dancyger describes how her cousin's murder helped bond her to college friend Carly, whose fiancée later died suddenly. The latter tragedy painfully highlighted the impossibility of shielding loved ones from pain: grief "is an entirely different country from your own, and the only person who can ever find their way through it is her," Dancyger reminded herself. In these essays, love is inextricably bound with pain, a duality the author renders with a lyrical and affecting rawness. Cathartic and intense, this leaves a mark.
