Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed
A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents
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3.8 • 4 Ratings
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- $12.99
Publisher Description
Growing up with a parent who is self-absorbed is difficult, and they may become more difficult to deal with as they age. This essential book shows how to cope with your aging parent's narcissistic behavior, and provides tips to help protect yourself and your children from their self-absorbed, destructive actions.
As your self-absorbed parent grows older and becomes more dependent on you, hurtful relationships may resurface and become further strained. In the tradition of Children of the Self-Absorbed, author Nina Brown offers the first book for adult children of aging narcissistic or self-absorbed parents. You will learn practical, powerful strategies for navigating the intense negative feelings that your parents can incite, as well as tips to protect your children from the criticism, blame, or hostility that may exist between you and their grandparent.
In this book, you will gain greater awareness of how and why your parent's self-absorbed behaviors and attitudes get worse, and develop strategies to manage the negative feelings that can arise as a result. You'll also learn to reduce the shame and guilt that may be felt when you feel like you don't want to be a caretaker. Finally, you'll learn to set limits with your parent so you can stay sane during this difficult time.
Having an aging parent can be stressful enough, but dealing with an aging narcissistic or self-absorbed parent is especially challenging. This essential guide will help you through.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Narcissism expert Brown (Children of the Self-Absorbed) delves into the challenges of interacting with family members whose difficult personalities are exacerbated by age. She outlines changes brought on by advanced age, from physical to existential, and lists the four most common types of self-absorbed parents: clingy, suspicious/defensive, arrogant, and belligerent. Brown goes on to describe unhealthy reactions to a parent's narcissistic behavior before suggesting more effective techniques. Some of these, such as avoidingdrawing attention to oneself or making sustained eye contact, read more like warnings about confronting a wild animal. Others, such as maintaining civility, neutrality, and an "adult-to-adult stance," are more useful if somewhat obvious. A section on protecting the feelings of spouses and children while around the parent in question is particularly helpful, with strategies for anticipating conflict and intervening when necessary. Additional exercises will help readers release negative feelings, visualize a safe space to retreat to, and build up self-esteem with positive affirmations. Brown's overall message of self-preservation is made explicit in the final chapter about "the positive revenge of being successful and thriving." While much of the advice dispensed is common sense, reason often goes out the window when dealing with a difficult parent, and Brown's tactics may help keep the peace.
Customer Reviews
Ok as a workbook
This book is largely a workbook of self-driven exercises to recognize patterns and build coping strategies. Those exercises are strung together with some psychological theory but it is fairly light. If you have already read enough about narcissistic parents to be firmly convinced that this is your situation, then you may appreciate this book. If you are just starting on this exploration, I suggest reading other material first, then perhaps coming to this book when you feel ready to do the exercises and build your strategies. I guess what I'm saying (as the child of a narcissist) that what I need right now is a book that says "they're f-- ed up, you're ok, and you have a right to be angry!" and this book isn't that.